Don’t Forget Who You Are

While on Pinterest I came across the quote, “Be careful who you pretend to be, you might forget who you are.” When I first read it, I continued to scroll down the page. Although I continued to look at other pictures and quotes, this particular post lingered in my mind. So, needless to say, I decided to write a short piece revolving around the quote.

For those of you who did not read through the Sankofa Tribe’s website and learn what I do, I am a Behavioral/Mental Health Therapist. I work with the majority of children and families in a therapeutic setting, usually due to their behavior which is often times a consequence of depression, anxiety, grief, and the like (tomaros-change.org).​​

I met a 10-year-old girl who was struggling with depression. The depression played a role in her exhibiting negative behavior in school and therefore her grades were dropping. After meeting with the girl, a couple of times, I finally learned that she was depressed because she had dark skin, thick hair, and was very shapely. According to her, she hated that she did not look like her peers and often found herself unable to participate in conversations and certain activities (she attended a school with minority Caucasian/White children and staff). She talked about committing suicide because she believed that things would get worse as she got older. It was an extremely sad situation.

Where does this issue begin? How did this beautiful African American girl grow to dislike herself to the point of not wanting to live? Could it have been because her African father had spent so much time talking about how ugly dark-skinned women with natural hair were? Or could it be because her father told her she had to get a relaxer or get extensions down her back to look prettier? Maybe it was her father's expressions of disappointment when she tried on clothes and her bottom was "too big". No, I know, it was probably because her father failed to remind her that no matter what her skin or hair looks like she was absolutely beautiful; he failed to let her bask in her natural gorgeousness and fall in love with her uniqueness!​​

I cannot tell you how many of these stories I have heard, from all ages, all complexions, and all hair textures; a lot of African American women are not happy with who they see in the mirror. ​Where does this come from? In this little girl's case, it came from a family of men who forgot who they were. Think about it...dad was born and raised in Africa to an African woman with an African grandmother and African aunties and sisters. How can he not love the natural beauty of African women??? I mean, yes there are people in certain parts of Africa who bleach their skin and straighten their hair (which is truly upsetting); but this family was not that.

Where does such hate for self come from? American and Europe culture??? Even as a behavioral/mental health therapist, I don’t know, I really don’t have an answer for this one. Now, don't get me wrong, it is okay to have a preference but when having a preference always remember the importance of teaching your children to love and accept themselves exactly as they are.

In this case, we are referring to a father’s inability to make his daughter feel whole, to feel beautiful inside and out, to love herself. But this is sometimes an issue with women as well. Mother, grandmothers, aunties, sisters, please, please, please understand the importance of teaching our children, our girls how beautiful they are. Teach them about the amazing women that tread this earth before them. The wondrous colors, shapes, and sizes; the many textures and lengths of hair; the shapes of their noses, lips, and ears. Teach them that there is nothing wrong with breaking a comb or having to choose the colors you wear wisely so as to not clash your skin complexion with your outfit. We are all unique; we are all Queens in our own right. Not one of us, one of them should ever feel as though they are lesser of a being; we ARE the first and according to what I've read (and if I'm wrong that's okay, I like believing this to be so) we WILL be the last!

Any one of you, or your girls feeling lost or confused about self? Take a look in the mirror, and say to yourself each and every day that you ARE a Queen and you WILL live, love, and be beautiful, naturally....each moment of each day!

Educate yourself, and your girls. We must know where we come from so that we know where we are going.​

Queendom Rising....