Utilize Self-Care ~ If You Care

​For women in general, it is very important for us to take care of ourselves. For Black women, it's beyond important. What separates us from everyone else you ask? Here is the LONG (but important) response, so be sure to read this all the way through and take it all in!

Well....did you know that we are more likely to experience anxiety & depression than our counterparts? We have much more on our plates than just being a woman, and depending on your lifestyle some of us Black women have more on our plate than other Black women.

Let's talk about that for a sec. First of all, we are Black....hmm, that in itself is heavy, & I wouldn't change it for the world. We are also mothers, many of us single, some of us are wives, we are juggling careers & sometimes school. We are caretakers, managing a number of households (elderly parents for example). How about those of us who are living in poverty... can't find or keep a job, or who have experienced trauma, or who may be living with addiction (self or a loved one), or have a loved one who is incarcerated, or lost someone to street violence or at the hands of a police officer. You get the picture, right?

Regardless of our issues, our lives are always wrapped up in the care of others leaving us vulnerable to things like depression & anxiety. I cannot tell you how many women come into my office & say they didn't have time to think about themselves while raising their children or taking care of a family member. How many of us have been here? Both of my hands are raised & waving frantically in the air! This is our life, it's expected of us...be strong, take care of your home, & don't forget about your community. While this is a beautiful trait about us, it can also be very dangerous to our well-being.

So... my Queens, where do we go from here? How do we remain the Queens that we are without turning our backs on our God-given responsibilities? It's called SELF-CARE. Caring for yourself is vital to your healthy existence. There are a ton of things that you can do but these, I believe, are the most powerful and easy.

1. Embrace yourself. I don't care what you've learned in life, you must understand that no one & I mean no one will love you better than you. You know how you spend time getting to know that man you want to spend time with or that friend that you're hoping will make the cut? Well, it's the same thing with you. Learn who you are, what you like, what you want. Knowing yourself is the key to finding joy. Of all the things that you can lose in this lifetime, losing yourself is the most detrimental.

2. Forgive yourself. As we take time to learn ourselves we should also take time to forgive ourselves. There is not one person on this planet who can honestly say they have no regrets. We tend to look at our past & see the bad things about our actions rather than realizing the lessons. I know myself personally, I made hundreds if not thousands of mistakes. I've done so many things that if I had not analyzed the situation, I'd still hate myself or feel shame. The way I see things at this stage of my life, those mistakes were not mistakes after all, they were lessons, things that I had to go through to become who I am today. And today, ladies, I love me some me! Do I still have growing to do, some forgiving to do...yes, I'm a work in progress & I'm happy! Let's go...start forgiving & accepting ourselves!

3. Say no. I don't know how many of you experience this but based on many of the women that I've worked with, there is this horrible feeling of guilt that looms over our heads when we even come close to wanting to tell someone no. It amazes me how I find (I'm getting better) myself preparing to do something or go someplace that I truly don't want to. I complain the entire time (to myself) then comes the feelings of weakness which can sometimes lead to other unhealthy emotions. Why??? Just say NO! You have the right to do that! Oh & how about that feeling that we place on the shoulders of others who tell us no? Let's not escape....we all do or have done it. Why??? Let that person say NO! They have the right to do so (just had to throw that in there!)! So, going forward, release yourself of guilt & feelings of obligation. You are your first priority!

4. Remove yourself away from unhealthy relationships. Sorry but not sorry....ANYONE, I don't care if it's your mother, sibling, child, or anyone who is toxic in your life give them the boot! There is absolutely nothing that a toxic person can do for you except destroy you emotionally & sometimes psychologically if not physically. If you want to be happy, healthy, & the strong woman that you need to be for your family & your community you have to take care of yourself first.

5. Try healthy eating. I said try because I know eating healthy isn't easy, especially for us foodies. So, what I do suggest is that you try making small changes like reducing your portions. It may not seem so, but this does make a great difference. Also, try making changes to the oil you use (olive, coconut, or avocado instead of vegetable oil). You can also try the replacement “diet”, instead of a big unhealthy breakfast or one full of sugar, have a fruit and veggie smoothie; you can do the same for lunch or dinner. I also suggest cutting out or reducing your intake of pork and red meat. Another really important suggestion, be sure to drink a lot of water!!! Finally, do some research, and let Google help you come up with some great, easy ideas on healthy eating. And ladies, no shade but if you tend to be a bit heavy on the alcohol you might want to consider that alcohol does have some play on your emotions, your ability to think, can add a wrinkle or two, and most importantly, can damage your internals (for example, your liver). We are what we eat (and drink)!

6. Make time for yourself. Taking time for yourself should be something that is not only considered but done daily. In the morning, before picking up your phone, spend some time with you. There is nothing like a 15-20 minutes meditation before starting your day. If you are into it, a 15-20 minutes workout is a great idea too. After a warm shower, dress and prepare for breakfast. Although it is suggested to take care of all of you before taking a look at your phone, I do understand how difficult that may be for some. So, as long as you don’t allow taking a peak to interfere with your self-care routine, you can do that whenever you feel most comfortable. Finally, I don’t know about you but a nice glass of wine (or your favorite juice for those who do not drink) and a hot soak in the tub after a long day is the most rewarding thought of any day! Just imagine, a hot salt soak with the smell of lavender (don’t spend too much time soaking, it is not good for your skin -20 min tops)…then rub on some soothing body butter. I’ve made Pandanique Essentials a part of my much-needed routine, I wouldn’t abandon it for the world!

7. Breathe. Go back to suggestion #6 and REPEAT…as for the bath soak, be sure to repeat at least 2-3 days out of the week!

Happy Mental Health Awareness Month, beautiful Queens!

Queendom rising....